October 27

Wow, I can’t believe October is almost over. I also can’t believe Kiran has been on this earth and in our hearts for over 10 weeks. And I hate that she isn’t in that bassinet with us in our bedroom. Today the NICU closed again just as I was going to sit down and feed her and that breaks my heart. I need to hold her, to be with her and for her to know how much I love her.

This has been the hardest time I’ve ever had in my entire life. But I know that she will be home soon and hopefully this horrible, dark and scary time will be a distant memory for me and my family.

I cannot believe how much this little less than 5 pound munchkin has endured already in her short life. She is so strong and right now my two girls are in my inspiration, my reason to go on every day. When I look into their faces, I know they both need me and that’s the greatest feeling in the world.

We got the news that Kiran may be coming home in less than two weeks a few days ago. I’m excited and scared at the same time. We still have so much to do in this house and so many things we still need to purchase for her and so much uncertainty ahead. Mom and I had a crash course in the NICU infant CPR class. Next week Mom, Parag and myself will be taking a regular CPR course at our local hospital in preparation for Kiran coming home. Alex is also going to be taking a sibling course, so we are excited to see how that goes.

We also have to learn how to work her apnea monitor which will monitor her and alert us if she stops breathing while she’s sleeping. And we have to learn how to administer her medicines. There is much ahead my mind is racing and I can’t sleep!

We have some crazy and hopefully fun days ahead with Halloween arriving on Saturday. We are going to try out our local not so scary haunted house with Alex. Alex has her Halloween parade at school Friday morning and we’re hoping that it cools down for at least one of these days since Alex chose the thickest costume for a Florida girl. Then on Saturday we have Jessica and Anthony’s Halloween party and we’re all looking forward to that!

Tomorrow I’m going to make a necklace out of Kiran’s picture of her in her Thing 2 costume so that Alex can wear it around her neck and they can match since they can’t be together this Halloween. Alex has been concerned that she won’t have any pictures of the two of them together and I assured her that there will be plenty once Kiran finally comes home.

October 28

What a crazy day we had! We attempted twice to see Kiran and the NICU was closed. The second time, they finally opened after we waited about half an hour and then we had to rush back and take Alex to the Halloween party at McDonalds.

Her Aunt Tara saved Alex from sweating to death in her Thing 1 costume by sending an adorable pink and black leopard outfit and Alex loves it. So she wore it tonight and will wear it on Halloween. Tomorrow she’ll wear the hot costume for her parade and to the not so scary local haunted house.

Kiran passed her carseat test, basically just slept the whole time. And we found out that she has gained a few grams, but is the same still in pounds and ounces, 4 pounds, 12 ounces and is a whopping 18 1/2 inches long! No wonder she looks so skinny.

And Little Miss Peanut we’ve discovered is a night owl. The night nurses love her. They’ve discovered she needs to have her hands out so she can express herself. And she is now waking up demanding food a half hour earlier. So now she is being fed every 2 1/2 hours. Yep, she gets her way! Now, we need to correct that night owl habit hopefully soon!

Tomorrow we will fill her stomach medications and learn how to give them to her. Now we’ve all taken the crash course in CPR at the hospital. All that is left to do is the medicine and learning how to work the apnea monitor that she will be attached to all the time at first. She has severe reflux and can choke on her own spit up. It’s really scary, but I know I’ll feel better with her being on the monitor.

Now I’m looking for bottles, and most importantly a swing. I’m getting recommendations from my girls from Two Week Wait. Don’t go there, it’s addicting and you’ll never leave ha ha! Trust me, I have probably about 2000 posts in umm 9 months? And after she’s home we’ll eventually invest in a playpen, bumbo, and bouncer.

And I’ve been trying to sell this gorilla costume I wound up with. It turns out that the company that sold me Alex’s Thing 1 costume messed up, and I wound up with this adult size gorilla costume! The funny thing is, I had no idea how many people would want it. So I’m hoping it’s out of this house by tomorrow and I make a little money.

I finally sold all of my maternity clothes. The girl was so nice and I said for her to let me know if she is having a girl, that way we can hand down Kiran’s clothes to her. I can’t believe I’ll never be pregnant again. Even though this last pregnancy almost killed me and brought Kiran into this world too early, I sometimes wish I could have another chance. But chances are, I wouldn’t have a normal pregnancy and I can’t risk my life. My two girls need me. And I need them. They fill my heart and they will fill my days and nights all the time for a long time.

Ok here are some new pics, and I’ll send a full album of all our Halloween activities when the weekend is over:

Alex riding the two wheeler by herself!

Mom has been waiting patiently to hold her when she comes home

NB two piece outfit and she rolled from back to side by herself

Holdling her own paci (miss show off lol)

Our sleeping angel (during the day)

Add a comment October 30, 2009